Since childhood I have been pretty incapable of reading the signs. To me what hasn’t been put in to words is as good as not felt. It’s not like I am completely oblivious to concepts like “certain things can only be felt” and “if one cares it shows” or that “actions speak louder than words”, but leaving the extremities aside such things don’t make much sense to me. Unfortunately, at times I fail to understand the subtle acts of love and wonder if it was even there, and then there are even more unfortunate times when I read too much into things and end up with a mirage. May be the lack of ability to truly understand the unsaid that I overly rely on words. I feel they are the most beautiful form of expression; they can be both poetic, romantic, taking the long scenic route to get to the point or just simple and expressing only what is required. Either way to someone like me they really put the message across and more than often they give me a fair estimate of the intensity of the feeling too. I know some of you might be wondering that words can be as misleading as any other signs; I mean one can always read between the lines and misinterpret things. Which is a fair possibility, but you see, to me words are still more concrete and reliable than subtle smiles and the imperceptible signals. To me silence mostly means silence, it’s neither yes nor no, actually it’s no expression and quite close to confusion for me. Honestly, as I write all this I feel romantically challenged, I mean whatever happened to the “non-verbal modes of communication/expression”?! I guess they do exist but come later, probably after one learns to trust the words. May be once I get to know a person really well I would be able to give more importance to the silence and know what it means, till then I am going to need words to understand it. Actually, even when I know somebody I do need ‘wordly’ assurances from time to time. Trust me, it has made things quite difficult for me, most people just do not understand the importance of expressing what they feel and then there are those who just don’t know how to express themselves. With the latter lot I am a bit more tolerant because mostly their efforts speak volumes about their feelings. In general though, the lack of importance that words get makes me sad. I read this quote somewhere and I couldn’t agree more….
“I don’t want to be just loved; I want to be told I am loved, for the realm of silence would be great enough beyond the grave”