Thursday, February 04, 2010


Since childhood I have been pretty incapable of reading the signs. To me what hasn’t been put in to words is as good as not felt. It’s not like I am completely oblivious to concepts like “certain things can only be felt” and “if one cares it shows” or that “actions speak louder than words”, but leaving the extremities aside such things don’t make much sense to me. Unfortunately, at times I fail to understand the subtle acts of love and wonder if it was even there, and then there are even more unfortunate times when I read too much into things and end up with a mirage. May be the lack of ability to truly understand the unsaid that I overly rely on words. I feel they are the most beautiful form of expression; they can be both poetic, romantic, taking the long scenic route to get to the point or just simple and expressing only what is required. Either way to someone like me they really put the message across and more than often they give me a fair estimate of the intensity of the feeling too. I know some of you might be wondering that words can be as misleading as any other signs; I mean one can always read between the lines and misinterpret things. Which is a fair possibility, but you see, to me words are still more concrete and reliable than subtle smiles and the imperceptible signals. To me silence mostly means silence, it’s neither yes nor no, actually it’s no expression and quite close to confusion for me. Honestly, as I write all this I feel romantically challenged, I mean whatever happened to the “non-verbal modes of communication/expression”?! I guess they do exist but come later, probably after one learns to trust the words. May be once I get to know a person really well I would be able to give more importance to the silence and know what it means, till then I am going to need words to understand it. Actually, even when I know somebody I do need ‘wordly’ assurances from time to time. Trust me, it has made things quite difficult for me, most people just do not understand the importance of expressing what they feel and then there are those who just don’t know how to express themselves. With the latter lot I am a bit more tolerant because mostly their efforts speak volumes about their feelings. In general though, the lack of importance that words get makes me sad. I read this quote somewhere and I couldn’t agree more….

“I don’t want to be just loved; I want to be told I am loved, for the realm of silence would be great enough beyond the grave”

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


It's so true... good things come in small packages. The smallest of pleasures give the most beautiful smiles, like when you smile back at some naughty kid caught in mid of some mischief or a butterfly fluttering around you or when you give/get something unexpectedly nice... the smile we are almost unaware of... lights our face with a warming glow. I feel it's when these small joys disappear that negativity and grief creep in, when we overlook and suppress our smiles... at times we somewhere begin to think we don't deserve the happiness... may be it's cos of a loss, some big mess up or our hectic schedule... no matter what goes wrong... never and i believe never let the small pleasures pass by... smile a lot... it will not only make others smile, but make you feel like a beautiful person :)

Monday, January 01, 2007


We’ve got all the time in world… We, Indians are pretty interesting people I’d say… we have a knack for using our resource and intellect for anything and everything that’s a non-issue. Take the fuss made over the release of the movie “da Vinci code”, Christians protesting, their posters screaming out the injustice being done to them just because they are in minority (which I think is beside the point they should have been trying to make…but, what the heck, everyone has freedom of speech). Of course the Europeans and Americans could not have had any problems to it cos there Christians are in majority.

Sometimes it annoys me to see India being glorified and sold out for all the wrong reasons… Manoj Kumar type people singing out “hai preet jahan ki reet sada” have made a fool of us all over.

Why don’t we take pride in what we are rather than try to please other people (that’s like essential with humans in general at times, but that is another story) We have a great cultural heritage; our literature is as rich as any other but how would we know we are hardly bothered. We admire the research that has been done on Jesus Christ and Bible, we sit gapping at our television sets seeing the amount of effort they have ut in to found out where Moses got the 10 Commandments. But when it comes to us… we give phony theories of religion… oh no! I can’t say that… we are all quite proud of the fact that NASA has discovered the bridge under the Indian ocean that could have been made by Lord Ram… studying the bridge would be probably like questioning our faith in God, let it be where it is, had God wanted us to study it, the bridge would have been on the surface screeching out it’s presence. And besides we are way too busy fighting over the Ayodhya issue… after all Babar had no right to destroy the Ram temple and build Babari Masjid there. Proof of the existence of Ram temple there? Oops… wrong question. For Heaven’s sake… was Lord Ram born in a temple? According to the theory given shouldn’t there have been a palace there rather than a temple… but again may be it was converted to a temple… ummm…. We’ll deal with one thing at a time… first let’s kill each other over religion and not let anything remain their not a Temple and nor a Mosque and then if we have anything left we might try to find out answers to the less relevant questions.

I know I am probably one of those responsible for it… we never take the initiative. But what I am trying to plead here is something that I do and am going to abide by all my life… I am a proud to be a citizen of this country. I am proud of the fact that we knew “Anu” and “Parmanu” long before, “Atoms” and “Molecules” amazed us. I am proud of the Holy Scriptures be it Ramayan or the Vedas……… I am proud of what I know of my culture and I don’t need a certificate from anyone to realize its importance and relevance to the present day scenario.

Finished at last ;)

Fountainhead…. It took me a long time to finish this book… quite unlike me but the book is way too descriptive. Especially towards the end it seemed to stretch like a piece of gum chewed and tasteless. I somehow failed to witness the miracle was expecting to see; the end and description deceived the content. I guess I do agree to the thought that has been conveyed in the book but it’s more like a fact thrust in to the face of the common man and he has accepted it and decided to live with it consciously or unconsciously. The book itself symbolizes, the worship of mediocrity, anything that doesn’t take you a mind of your own to understand is easily accepted and praised and so is this book. I am not trying to say that it’s a piece of crap getting glorified for no reason, I feel it’s the proof what it’s trying to sell. Every character has been exaggerated to most simplified version, one man epitomizing one trait… but I guess that’s how it works. What amused me the most was the way people try to relate to it, the way they actually go out of their way to abide by the book it’s almost like Peter Keating feeding himself in the writings of Lois Cook or preaching of Ellsworth Toohey. Before I read the book I met many a Howard Roark, their conviction to be someone else itself seemed to betray them before I could understand what they had been talking about. It’s a modern classic no doubt and it deals with reality and symbolizes it, but the idea lacks originality, it’s a general and rational observation…. But then again even that is so rare that it truly deserves all the acclaim it has gathered. It’s been almost heartening to see the world being acknowledge as it is… had I not gone through the glorification of it before I had read the book, I would’ve enjoyed it more.

Sunday, June 11, 2006


A few months back I was talking to one of the AID volunteers (actually I know only one). He was telling me about the organization, how it works, what is their goal and so on. Soon I caught his enthusiasm and was all ready to go out and help the less privileged and “be the change” as he puts it. I made big plans about doing this and that… two months later, I was still planning. I was waiting for the right time you see, a time when I would be comparatively free.
Isn’t this the story with almost all of us? We do want to help, but are so engrossed in our own lives that we just don’t have the time and energy left for anything else. Once in a while when we do stop to catch our breadth we realize that we aren’t doing what we wanted to and have given in to the mechanical lifestyle. And then we are filled with guilt with soon replaced by bigger plans and some more procrastination.
Now, what I don’t understand here is… who asked us to do big things. I mean let’s face it, not all of us can dedicate our lives to this. But we do want to help… don’t we? As my friend suggested to me that I could collect money… say put a few rupees whatever amount I can in a box everyday and then use that money for some worthy cause. And as I start to think of ways to utilize the money, I would be more involved with the volunteering work. Isn’t this simple?
But first I guess we need to change the way we think. All of us have our own share of joy and sorrow. And seeing someone else’s problems doesn’t make ours any smaller or less important, but it does help us appreciate what we have and use it wisely. We don’t need to go out and solve the poor man’s problems; we need to help him become self sufficient to solve his own problems. All we need to do is share a small part of whatever we have with someone who doesn’t have much. Even if we can bring a smile across the tired faces and make even a day easier for them, we would have done our bit.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


She makes food for the family, yet she can’t eat with them she first has to feed her in laws. She gives birth to the child but if she tries to discipline her child she is abused. She earns her living both in the house and in the outside world, yet she puts up with abusive language and mental tortures. I used to think these stories have become history but a better view of the world has shown me that this isn’t history it’s the present of many a women. And I am not talking of the rural areas but of urban educated families. One family where the wife thinks that she isn’t good enough and finds security in the confines of her house… but how secure is she?! She is abused by her in laws, and works day and night like a slave… prays each night for her death. Another family, the girl is educated she is working, she puts up with abusive language and mistreatment, alienated in her own house… she can’t leave cos she doesn’t earn enough to support herself and her son… her in laws tell her son that she is going to kill him. A beautiful girl, extremely talented is married in to an educated rich family, she is tortured so much by her in laws that she had to leave her house, her daughter and son… which shouldn’t have been difficult cos the kids were taught to disrespect her, but who can over look the fact that she is the mother.
The girl leaves her parent’s place to make her own home, ends up in her husbands house…… where is her home?! Where does she belong?!

Monday, April 03, 2006